Be The Jam

Mike and I are currently investigating the feasibility of navigating the River Amazon by punt. Next weekend we are off for a fact finding visit to the Cherwell Boathouse in Oxford. It seems from our initial studies of the challenge at hand that there will be five main problems that we will face should we undertake the journey.

1. The distance; the Amazon is longer than the Cherwell and so in order to carry enough supplies and maintain an appropriate "Pimms per Mile" ratio we may well require a larger than ordinary punt.
2. Mint; I am no expert on the flora of the Amazon but I have heard no tell of there being sufficient, if any, supplies of fresh mint  along the route, we will have to take our own plant with us and care for it to ensure that our Pimms does not go mint free.
3. Cucumber; same problem as above but the added problem here is that cucumber plants are significantly larger than mint, will they cope with the tropical heat? Cucumber is not as important for a decent Pimms as mint but it is a fairly necessary component of a cucumber sandwich.
4. Waterfalls; punts are flat bottomed boats and not very stable at the best of times, waterfalls or rapids could cause capsize and the untimely demise of the mint or cucumber plants.
5. Piranha; I believe that these fish are not vegetarian and would therefore not pose a risk to the journey by having designs on the mint.

In conclusion then whilst the difficulties and threats to the success of the trip are large they do not seem insurmountable, further research is required.

see also Punting

Last night I decided to give sleeping in the hammock another go, this time I was especially careful to tie knots that would not come undone and not to tie it to branches that could break. What I didn’t do was tie it high enough off the ground, having got in I found myself in the hammock on the ground. So it was a matter of wriggling out and retying the thing higher up. This time I neglected to tie the proper knots at one end so soon found myself on the floor again. Once wriggled out, re-tied and wriggled back in I was amused to find that the head end was much higher than the foot end. Wriggle out, adjust, wriggle in, head still too high, wriggle out, adjust wriggle in, head too low – repeat until too tired to care any more.

I reasoned that as I had been far very cold trying to sleep in the hammock in the winter that if I slept in it in the summer whilst I was in my winter sleeping bag I would be at a good temperature – wrong, it was freezing. Not that it was freezing at first, no no no, far too much wriggling about trying to get comfortable for that. One good thing about my hammock is the built in mosquito net, well that’s what I thought but when in a vain attempt to get comfortable I found I had managed to tip the hammock over completely and the only thing that was keeping me in was the none to strong looking mosquito net pressing into my face I was not so sure. It took a little while to claw my way back into the correct part of the hammock. Eventually I got to sleep and only woke every half an hour or so feeling either cold, uncomfortable or even occasionally both. I put up with it though, hammocks are the only thing to sleep in whilst in a jungle so I best get used to it. I would be glad of all the mosquito netting in the jungle I thought. The hammock you see has a great design, a built in mosquito net over the top and an entrance through the bottom that closes when you get in to the thing by the weight of your body forcing Velcro strips together. That’s the idea anyway, I woke at about 5 am with my legs sticking out through the entrance and the view of a massive gap plenty big enough for a million hungry mosquitoes to get through and bring all their shopping. At this point I gave up on the hammock, squeezed out of the gap and flopped to the floor, soon I was warm and happy with the reassuring feel of the stony ground beneath my back.

Turning the heat up on the stove.

Photo by Mark Bassett www.thesourcephotography.com

The Total carbon stored in forest biomass, deadwood, litter and soil represents roughly 50 percent more than the amount of carbon in the atmosphere. The destruction of these forests is estimated to contribute almost two billion tonnes of carbon to the atmosphere every year. This carbon is being released into the atmosphere as a result of deforestation, forest degradation and land use change. This represents a staggering 25% of all man-made emission into the atmosphere every year. Furthermore there are concerns that the impacts of climate change may increase carbon emissions further, as a result of forest die-off in tropical and temperate areas caused by the predicted increase in temperatures and droughts. Forests, particularly tropical forests, are also one of the most biodiverse habitats on earth and a vast natural resource, containing the majority of the worlds terrestrial species, many as yet unknown, and some which may be of great use to society should they survive to be discovered.

House of Commons

Environmental Audit

Sustainable Timber

Second report of Session 2004 – 05

Volume 1, Paragraph 4: Background.

I was looking forward to having a shower when I got into work this morning, there is nothing like not having had a shower for a couple of days to really get you feeling as though one is necessary. Imagine then my delight when I got to work and found that the shower is broken, oh joy. Lunch time then I'm going to be off to the gym to use the shower their. I might even put in a bit of jungle humidity training (steam room) first. It strikes me that there will not be that many showers or gyms in the jungle, this could become an issue. People say that the Amazon is full of rivers that you can swim in to keep clean, I have issues with this. I have heard that there are all manner of tiny creatures that will swim into any opening and lay eggs and cause no end of mischief. It gets worse; as someone who was brought up on a diet of adventure books and Tarzan films I know it is not possible to even dip a toe in a jungle river without then having to engage in a fight to the death with some creature with far too many razor sharp teeth and not enough regard for the sanctity of having a quiet wash and shave in the morning. I consider myself to be a civilised man and fights to the death are just not on before breakfast; the only exception being duels but unfortunately nowadays inviting someone to a duel can result in awkward questions being asked by the rather unsympathetic local constabulary. living then in these unenlightened times I have no experience of early morning struggles and so will have to adapt a regime based around living a life as per the great unwashed. I can only assume that the smell will act as a deterrent to all but the most hungry of predators.

A while ago Mike and I were trying to decide on a new moniker for him, Scottish Mike being out and either Danger Mike or Mike Dangerous being the options in the debate. The matter is as yet unsettled but I have another possibility to put to him; Malaria Mike. I just put this to Mike and, once I had convinced him that whiskey isn't a cure for Malaria, he said we should go on a first aid course. I'm not sure he is convinced Whiskey isn't a cure for Malaria he is Scottish, the idea that whiskey can't cure something is close to heresy to his mind.

I have just been told that we must take Frisbys to the jungle with us, apparently they have many uses.

• flinging them about
• sit on them on wet ground
• plate
• chopping board
• fan
• and many more or so I am told.

I slept until 11 this morning and then lay for a while considering the beauty of the sun dappling through the trees, my considered opinion is that it is indeed beautiful. It was also rather nice to have a day without anything to do, the last few weeks, especially the week of my alleged holiday have been very busy so just having a day to lazily walk about in the woods in a haze of "hello trees hello sky" has been most pleasing. What has added to my general sense of well being is the thought that in one week I will be free from the shackles of employment and financial stability, to my mind there is nothing better in the world than having a rucksack on my back and no responsibilities. I might keep this view of life to my self when I go and chat to my bank manager next week to explain my new circumstances. I think words like "opportunity", "career development", and even a phrase like "I'm thinking off piste on this one" might have to be got out for that meeting.

What else has happened? I got called up by BBC London yesterday morning and asked if I would like to appear on Vanessa Phelps' show, I said OK. An hour later I got a call and was put through to her radio show and then found myself being asked what I thought about London parks being used as camp sites during the Olympics. What am I supposed to know about that? I said I thought it would be good but then was told people were worried about it attracting the wrong sorts of people and it turning into a bit of a festival; I thought this would be even better, I didn't get asked for my opinion again after that.

• Learn knots.
• Get fit
• Walk Ridgeway (85 miles) in two days
• Walk Ridgeway in one day
• Run Marathon
• Learn to light fire by friction – rubbing sticks together
• Learn about solar power and choose the best solar panels to take – and pay for them somehow.
• Learn expedition first aid.
• Learn about satellite communications and then decide whether to take a satellite phone or a satellite modem.
• Get really very good at navigation.
• Learn to fish.
• Learn Spanish.
• Write business plan and present it to the bank in such a way as to convince them that this is a good idea.
• Keep building the web site
• Recruit more writers.
• Encourage current writers to write more.
• Write reviews of places.
• Start looking into creating revenue through selling advertising space on the web site once we have sufficient content.
• Earn enough money to live off.
• Write a book.
• Research history and background of Ecuador and try to gain an understanding of the various pressures there are on the rainforest – need of the people to generate income through the wealth of natural resources oil / wood / minerals etc.
• Investigate possibility of importing solar panels from China for sale through the web site.
• Acquire the appropriate kit for travel into the rainforest – test it to see if it works and learn how to fix it if it breaks.
• Try to steer press interest in such a direction as to get behind Mission Impossible and so increase our chances of making a significant impact.
• Swot up on the flora and fauna and edibility thereof before leaving.
• Find some form of income
• figure out how to get from Brazil to Ecuador
• try hard to ignore nagging doubt that this whole plan is a bad idea

Yesterday was the summer solstice and the official last night of my year living in the woods and commuting to Sotheby's. It's all a bit arbitrary as nothing has changed, I'm still living in the woods and tomorrow I will be coming into work, but mentally something changed when I just posted my last entry in the Ditch Monkey blog. At this point I was supposed to be moving into a flat and getting on with my career, but I'm not I am going with Mike to the Jungle for a year, and I'm going to be living outdoors for at least another year. I went and moved the goal posts on myself and as nice as the woods are I would love to be going home to a nice comfortable existence with running water, cupboards, washing machine, chairs, cutlery and all the rest of it. Never mind, for whilst there are certain things that I will miss (and frankly currently long for) the long term rewards will hopefully far exceed the short term discomfort, life is for living and whatever else happens, if our Mission succeeds or fails Mike and I are in for an adventure.

I can now start properly focusing on Mission Improbable and trying to figure out how on earth we are going to do it, we need to find a backer or we need to get this web site making money and quickly or else we might just have to go plan B. Plan B being fly to Brazil, find a jungle, live in it. Plan A is much better, it involves getting trained in jungle survival and having money to buy food and insurance.

Bring it.

The biggest hurdle we face at the moment is how to finance the year, going off to live off the land isn't hugely expensive but nevertheless there are a lot of costs involved. That's where the travel guide comes in, once it gets up and running (fingers crossed) we should be getting some revenue from advertising and the like. But also, thanks to Mike, should be selling mobile phone contracts through this site at some point soon. We are also looking into the possibility of starting to import solar panels as well, the idea of sitting in a jungle selling solar panels we bought in Thailand to someone in Croydon may be new but this time next year everyone will be doing it.

Since I have decided to go and live in the Rainforest there is one topic of conversation that comes up where ever I go; dangerous creatures. People now seem to find discussing snakes, spiders, anacondas, malaria infested mosquitoes, creatures that burrow into flesh, millipedes, cockroaches and no end of things with teeth to be something that needs to be done in my company. I think I need some new friends.