Be The Jam

I was looking forward to having a shower when I got into work this morning, there is nothing like not having had a shower for a couple of days to really get you feeling as though one is necessary. Imagine then my delight when I got to work and found that the shower is broken, oh joy. Lunch time then I'm going to be off to the gym to use the shower their. I might even put in a bit of jungle humidity training (steam room) first. It strikes me that there will not be that many showers or gyms in the jungle, this could become an issue. People say that the Amazon is full of rivers that you can swim in to keep clean, I have issues with this. I have heard that there are all manner of tiny creatures that will swim into any opening and lay eggs and cause no end of mischief. It gets worse; as someone who was brought up on a diet of adventure books and Tarzan films I know it is not possible to even dip a toe in a jungle river without then having to engage in a fight to the death with some creature with far too many razor sharp teeth and not enough regard for the sanctity of having a quiet wash and shave in the morning. I consider myself to be a civilised man and fights to the death are just not on before breakfast; the only exception being duels but unfortunately nowadays inviting someone to a duel can result in awkward questions being asked by the rather unsympathetic local constabulary. living then in these unenlightened times I have no experience of early morning struggles and so will have to adapt a regime based around living a life as per the great unwashed. I can only assume that the smell will act as a deterrent to all but the most hungry of predators.

A while ago Mike and I were trying to decide on a new moniker for him, Scottish Mike being out and either Danger Mike or Mike Dangerous being the options in the debate. The matter is as yet unsettled but I have another possibility to put to him; Malaria Mike. I just put this to Mike and, once I had convinced him that whiskey isn't a cure for Malaria, he said we should go on a first aid course. I'm not sure he is convinced Whiskey isn't a cure for Malaria he is Scottish, the idea that whiskey can't cure something is close to heresy to his mind.

I have just been told that we must take Frisbys to the jungle with us, apparently they have many uses.

• flinging them about
• sit on them on wet ground
• plate
• chopping board
• fan
• and many more or so I am told.