Be The Jam

Just in case, fingers crossed, you are tempted to send in a bit of travel writing the following advice from actual proper grown up travel writer Mark Moxon might be of interest.

the following

Good news. Them funky folks at Greenpeace got together a bit of a campaign to stop major companies buying soya from firms that cut down the Amazon to grow it and it has largely worked. In their words “ McDonald's is now the leading company in the campaign to halt deforestation for the expansion of soya farming in the Amazon”. Read the article here.

Unfortunately KFC have refused to follow suit, if you have a moment you could send them an email to point out that it would be a good idea to do so by clicking here

House sitting will continue until Saturday / Sunday of this week, I'm going to make the most of it. There has been a certain amount of sitting about watching TV and a certain amount of not doing much else other than sleeping in a big soft bed and sending emails. As fun as it is to be reliving the student life for a bit the novelty is beginning to wear off. Someone asked what it was like to be living inside again just now and the best way I could think of describing it is akin to that feeling when you eat far too much of some food that you really like. At first it is great but after a while you realise that you should stop, but you don't and soon you feel sick, but still you carry on. Before you know it you have eaten a kilo of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, 2 litres of ice cream and drunk an entire jug of coffee, life isn't going to be much fun for a couple of hours. I think its just a little too much, a little too quickly; moving back inside on a permanent basis might well take time to get used too.

To balance things out I think I shall go for a walk and see what kind of wild foods I can forage for. Then again Diagnosis Murder might well be on.

My home in the woods looks something like this

Only without the bits on the ends, it's just a waterproof sheet. In the jungle it is not advised to sleep on the floor on account of all the insects and other of the more "interesting" creatures, snakes and the like who dwell there. Apparently snakes, millipedes and such like are drawn to the warmer parts of the human body - underarms, groin etc and so if sleeping exposed to the element it is not unusual to awake to find a lodger nestled somewhere you would rather not be nestled by something poisonous.  I have been advised to take a hammock with built in mosquito net and a spare mosquito net, noramlly I don't take advice but on this occasion I shall make an exception and be taking something that looks more like this.

A Clark Tropical Hammock

So I have been visiting relatives and am now looking after their house whilst they are off on holiday. Living in a house is easy, but it doesn't provide much in the way of entertaining stories, I don't get rained on, fall over in the dark, attacked by squirrels or any of that stuff. In fact the only bad thing that has happened is accidentally watching a few instalments of Big Brother.

Seeing as I don't have much to say myself I am currently working on the travel guide side of things, tidying up the site, posting stories, hassling people to write new ones and trying to figure out how to use the new host. This last one has now been left in Mike's capable hands.

The nice people at Think Host have donated free web hosting for Be The Jam, this is especially good news as not only does this reduce the overheads of the project but it fits with the ethos of the project. Think Host you see provide, in their own words, “socially responsible, earth-friendly hosting provided by 100% renewable energy!” All their power comes from solar and wind power, things are going in a very positive direction at the moment. This site will still be at www.bethejam.com but when it moves it will look very different, I just don’t know how long it will take to move as it seems that certain things are required to build a site at Think Host, like a basic understanding of programming, some time, and a computer. It will happen.

I’m thinking of supplementing my lack of income through selling Sloe Gin kits in the autumn, basically a load of sloes, some sugar and some instructions (add gin, wait). I assume that a licence is needed to sell sloe gin but there is no reason not to sell the ingredients.

“Psssst, hippy, wanna buy some sloes?”

I really would have thought that I would have learnt my lesson by now and stopped having "good ideas". Most of yesterday was spent trawling the internet researching the  snake, spiders and diseases that one is likely to encounter in the Amazon, this got me thinking that going to live there is not such a good idea. Add to that that this week I'm looking after my Sister's house and animals whilst her family and her visit the parents and as it's not viscously hot as it was when I was in London recently this is the first time in a very long time that I have been comfortable. Logically then, sitting here in comfort researching the potential discomforts of the Amazon should be enough to prevent any further desire to do stupid things for a while, I would have assumed that it would be time to pursue comfort for a while. Then I started reading up on all the edible plants that there are about in the wilds of the UK

So for the last week in August / first week in September I have decided to spend a week in the woods living off the land (save for a couple of kilos of rice for emergencies).

What can possibly go wrong? As always you will be the first to know.

DM

-----------------------Ever tried typing whilst a very enthusiastic kitten attacks your fingers and walks all over the key board?

Yesterday I went to make a cup of tea and when I returned the thing I had been working on all day was no longer on the screen, in its place was row upon row of plusses; +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ like that. I didn't realise that this was a result of the kitten standing on the space key and the = key and thought the computer had a virus and my day's work was gone. It was a bit worrying for a while.

Kitten now finding toes a far more interesting foe.

Anyway, things are developing on the jungle front, + Ah, here is the kitten again dscccccdddddddddddddf, sitting on the keyboard this time.

As I was saying the planning for the jungle is coming on (brief pause to get kitten's head out of mug) ww22dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd DXJJNKTYH (so she found the caps lock this time)

The planning for the jungle is coming on fine, discussions are taking place with various people who may be able to help out in diferent ways but I'm not going to mention anything specifically until anything is agreed. It never occured to me how much planning is involved in the planning of what is effectively an expedition, it's a bit annoying at times I've quit job but yet I'm still stuck in front of a computer most days rather than lazing about in the sun.

I went to see the nurse, she gave me a big list of jabs that I would have to take. Lots of them are for diseases so exotic that I need to go to special clinics, these vaccines tend towards the expensive, the rest require ordering in so I haven't had any yet. There was so much to talk through and explain that we decided to leave the Malaria discussion for a late date.

After my appointment I went and ate ice cream.

Neph, Jamie and Georgia came out for dinner on Saturday night, I had intended to put on a bit of a show and make something really nice to eat but the only opportunity to buy food I had was at a Marks and Spencer's at a motorway service station on the M40. I don't like M&S because they don't sell ingredients. We ended up having burgers, potatoe salad and cauliflower with caraway seeds, hopefully the cracks in the menu got covered over with sloe gin. Earlier in the day I had found a couple of quite large fallen Birch branches and had walked a couple of miles home with them. The plan being to strip the bark as it makes a good tinder and can be used to make simple boxes and the like. The wood itself burns hot and long so it seemed to be worth the effort. As I walked two cyclists coming the opposite direction pulled up, one along side and one in front, there was something about their manner that made me feel uncomfortable. The one in front asked "what are you up to?" in the manner that was not entirely devoid of aggression.

"Carrying wood" I replied in a manner that suggested aggression was not the best approach to take with someone carrying a brace of cudgels.

The birch burnt well and gave off a very pleasing heat and I added a small amount of Yew to the fire to give the smoke a more pleasing aroma. Unfortunately It started raining in the early hours of the morning and soon it was bucketing down, my three guests didn't have the best night's sleep and neither did I. House sitting the previous week had quite softened me up again and the hard ground, lack of pillow and rain challenged by attempts to reach a state of slumber. It felt as though sleep had only just come when the alarm announced that it was 6am and time to rise. Neph, Georgia and I were due to be off at 7 to walk the last 26 miles of the Ridgeway, Neph's knee being much healed by now. After a hearty breakfast of rice and dried mango we were off.

Talking of being off, I must be now. I have to go and see the nurse about my jabs for the Jungle trip so please excuse me.

I wore different shoes this time, It was nice to have blisters in diferent places. By the end of the day Neph's knee was only as bad as it had been 8 miles from the end of the last section of our journey so all was well. We had ice creams and cans of fizzy pop whilst waiting for our lift to come. Neph and I complained about various ailments and Georgia announced that she was the fittest amongst us before falling asleep.

I think I might have been suffering from some kind of culture shock, living in a house has been a bit of a challenge, but one that ultimately I have managed to adapt to reasonably well.

Mostly I have been using the toaster and kettle, it is so much easier to flick a switch than it is to light a fire, or even use a camping stove. The Jet Boil, whilst it worked was as easy to use as a kettle but it didn't make toast, also it was a bit challenging to keep clean. Drat, I shouldn't have started talking about tea and toast - I'm going to have to make more now, back in a sec.

Good stuff.

Being able to go out and buy a heap of food and store it in cupboards and the fridge - it is very convenient and much cheaper than going shopping every day.

TV, I have managed to watch some good stuff like the news and Brazil, Brazil is one of the best films ever made - probably the best - watching it again last night made me realise just how happy I am to leave Sotheby's; as fun as it was to work there I'm glad to be free. Man is not made to shuffle paper, I believe there is a theory out there that the initial design of mankind was as some form of tree dweller - I'm taking it back to the old school. Hmmmm? Some TV it appears is less good, I watched quite a bit of that just to make sure it really is bad; it really is! Not Quincy though, Quincy is a legend.

Constant free internet access is good, there is nothing quite like emailing the people you used to work with and telling them how much fun not working is.

Culture; now there isn't that much culture to be found in the house itself although there are quite a few books. I read one called "The Game" it is about a chap, well he is American so can hardly be called a chap, it was about a guy who figured out how to make ladies become rather enamoured with him within 15 minutes of meeting him. I read that quite keenly but went off it when there started to be repercussions from his behaviour; if I was the sort of person who believed in repercussions I wouldn't be going to live in a jungle full to the brim with mosquitoes and the like. The sort of culture I'm talking about is the kind of things that you can do in London without a 100 litre rucksack and smelly clothes. Yup, I've been out clubbing, I've been to a few bars as well, truly my cultural agenda is broad. Seeing as the venue of choice for such activities is currently East London I have also taken the opportunity to take in some of the local Art Work and any patron of the bars and clubs around Brick Lane, Hockston (scene of the unfortunate rebirth of the Mullet) and the like will know that there is some truly spectacular graffiti to be seen, including quite a few Banksy's, we sold a few of them at Sotheby's of late, some for really quite large sums. Musically I was totally blown away by a young rascal by the name of Para One who was curiously adorned with a tie and tee shirt despite this sartorial confusion he proved himself to be an utter genius at twisting knobs, pressing buttons, and tapping away on a computer keyboard. Not since I first saw Square Pusher have I been so impressed, the boundaries of Modern Music have been pushed back once more; no doubt the Ministry of Sound will be playing a sanitised version of his work in five or six years.

Friends; over the past few days I have not only bumped into loads of friends I have not seen for ages, such is the way with going out clubbing and the like but I've also met quite a few new ones. A few people, one of whom I knew previously, came back for tea after a particularly fun night out at Mulletover, my how we danced. It was very nice to be able to walk home after a night of clubbing, put on some tunes and the kettle and just relax and chat. This was much better than having to lug a massive bag up a hill, but maybe not as nice as sitting under the shade of the trees with a fire and bird song for company.

A decent stereo; the radio I have in the woods has one small speaker that probably only has a 3 watt output, it is only really good for listening to talk radio. Whilst a year or so of listening predominantly to Radio 4 has no doubt increased my intellectual depth (not hard to do) there is nothing like listening to some quality music on a decent stereo. Unfortunately my year away from civilisation rendered me somewhat incapable in the face of electricity. I couldn't get the stereo to work, this is a bit embarrassing as I once did a sound engineering course, fortunately one of the people who came over on Sunday morning is a practicing sound engineer and he got the thing fired up, thanks Chris.

Sofas, the woods are curiously lacking in sofas, some thoughtful individual did dump a mattress in the woods near me but it looked all a bit skanky and not a little out of place, curiously the council came and took it away, I have no idea what use they have for it, there must be some though for them to go to all the expense of collecting it. I like sitting on a sofa, lying on it is great too, so is sitting on it watching TV and eating food off a plate with a full contingent of appropriate cutlery. Compared to sitting on the floor eating out of a blackened pot with crudely carved twigs a TV dinner seems truly decadent.

Girls, London is full of them, they're everywhere, seeing as there seem to be more than enough to go around I thought I should have a crack at acquiring one for myself Armed with the knowledge gleaned from "The Game" it seemed impossible to fail. I must have forgotten to read the page in which it explains the importance of asking for a phone number.

Phone, I'm not sure about this one. People call and then I have to talk to them, not having a phone neatly avoids this problem. However most of the calls have been good, "hey Hugh wanna come clubbing?" that kind of thing. Mike has called quite a lot and we are now just a few days from launching a business that if the predictions are accurate will easily raise the money required to get to the Jungle, I'll even be able to do my share of the work from there. Mike may well come out and live at a "Base Camp" for a while. Apparently it is traditional to situate Base Camps next to the beach, by a bar, in a hotel.

Less good.

Heat, it has been really very very hot, not the sort of time to be living in a house in the middle of London, just the kind of time to be living in the cool of the woods.

Size, the house is quite large but nevertheless in comparison to where I usually live, outdoors, it seems very small, it is beginning to feel as though the walls are closing in.

Pollution, I’m not all that fond of all the light, noise and air pollution.

Chores, whilst it is fun to have a full contingent of utensils I'm less keen on washing them up, life is easier with just the one pan, a spoon and a knife. However, there is running water! Just twist the shiny metal thing my the metal bowly thing in the kitchen and water comes flying out, better yet there is no need to even heat the stuff in the kettle, no no, twist the other metal thing and ready heated water comes out! As fun though this is I would rather go for a walk for a mile through the woods than wash up, washing up sucks.

That's it for gripes I think.

In other news.

Neil; mild mannered city worker by day, international Trance DJ by night may well be coming to the Jungle. He was up for coming a few months ago and then realised that he had signed a contract at work that required him to actually be there and dropped out. It is now looking as though not he will be coming along but he also has a good idea for an internet business. So we could well end up living in the jungle and running three businesses, I'm a big fan of bighting off more than I can chew. Neil could well be a handy addition to the mission, he speaks Spanish and not only has he actually been to the jungle but he also lived in it for two weeks. Apparently it was horrible, full of horrible stuff, and very hot.