Be The Jam

Neph, Jamie and Georgia came out for dinner on Saturday night, I had intended to put on a bit of a show and make something really nice to eat but the only opportunity to buy food I had was at a Marks and Spencer's at a motorway service station on the M40. I don't like M&S because they don't sell ingredients. We ended up having burgers, potatoe salad and cauliflower with caraway seeds, hopefully the cracks in the menu got covered over with sloe gin. Earlier in the day I had found a couple of quite large fallen Birch branches and had walked a couple of miles home with them. The plan being to strip the bark as it makes a good tinder and can be used to make simple boxes and the like. The wood itself burns hot and long so it seemed to be worth the effort. As I walked two cyclists coming the opposite direction pulled up, one along side and one in front, there was something about their manner that made me feel uncomfortable. The one in front asked "what are you up to?" in the manner that was not entirely devoid of aggression.

"Carrying wood" I replied in a manner that suggested aggression was not the best approach to take with someone carrying a brace of cudgels.

The birch burnt well and gave off a very pleasing heat and I added a small amount of Yew to the fire to give the smoke a more pleasing aroma. Unfortunately It started raining in the early hours of the morning and soon it was bucketing down, my three guests didn't have the best night's sleep and neither did I. House sitting the previous week had quite softened me up again and the hard ground, lack of pillow and rain challenged by attempts to reach a state of slumber. It felt as though sleep had only just come when the alarm announced that it was 6am and time to rise. Neph, Georgia and I were due to be off at 7 to walk the last 26 miles of the Ridgeway, Neph's knee being much healed by now. After a hearty breakfast of rice and dried mango we were off.

Talking of being off, I must be now. I have to go and see the nurse about my jabs for the Jungle trip so please excuse me.

I wore different shoes this time, It was nice to have blisters in diferent places. By the end of the day Neph's knee was only as bad as it had been 8 miles from the end of the last section of our journey so all was well. We had ice creams and cans of fizzy pop whilst waiting for our lift to come. Neph and I complained about various ailments and Georgia announced that she was the fittest amongst us before falling asleep.

I think I might have been suffering from some kind of culture shock, living in a house has been a bit of a challenge, but one that ultimately I have managed to adapt to reasonably well.

Mostly I have been using the toaster and kettle, it is so much easier to flick a switch than it is to light a fire, or even use a camping stove. The Jet Boil, whilst it worked was as easy to use as a kettle but it didn't make toast, also it was a bit challenging to keep clean. Drat, I shouldn't have started talking about tea and toast - I'm going to have to make more now, back in a sec.

Good stuff.

Being able to go out and buy a heap of food and store it in cupboards and the fridge - it is very convenient and much cheaper than going shopping every day.

TV, I have managed to watch some good stuff like the news and Brazil, Brazil is one of the best films ever made - probably the best - watching it again last night made me realise just how happy I am to leave Sotheby's; as fun as it was to work there I'm glad to be free. Man is not made to shuffle paper, I believe there is a theory out there that the initial design of mankind was as some form of tree dweller - I'm taking it back to the old school. Hmmmm? Some TV it appears is less good, I watched quite a bit of that just to make sure it really is bad; it really is! Not Quincy though, Quincy is a legend.

Constant free internet access is good, there is nothing quite like emailing the people you used to work with and telling them how much fun not working is.

Culture; now there isn't that much culture to be found in the house itself although there are quite a few books. I read one called "The Game" it is about a chap, well he is American so can hardly be called a chap, it was about a guy who figured out how to make ladies become rather enamoured with him within 15 minutes of meeting him. I read that quite keenly but went off it when there started to be repercussions from his behaviour; if I was the sort of person who believed in repercussions I wouldn't be going to live in a jungle full to the brim with mosquitoes and the like. The sort of culture I'm talking about is the kind of things that you can do in London without a 100 litre rucksack and smelly clothes. Yup, I've been out clubbing, I've been to a few bars as well, truly my cultural agenda is broad. Seeing as the venue of choice for such activities is currently East London I have also taken the opportunity to take in some of the local Art Work and any patron of the bars and clubs around Brick Lane, Hockston (scene of the unfortunate rebirth of the Mullet) and the like will know that there is some truly spectacular graffiti to be seen, including quite a few Banksy's, we sold a few of them at Sotheby's of late, some for really quite large sums. Musically I was totally blown away by a young rascal by the name of Para One who was curiously adorned with a tie and tee shirt despite this sartorial confusion he proved himself to be an utter genius at twisting knobs, pressing buttons, and tapping away on a computer keyboard. Not since I first saw Square Pusher have I been so impressed, the boundaries of Modern Music have been pushed back once more; no doubt the Ministry of Sound will be playing a sanitised version of his work in five or six years.

Friends; over the past few days I have not only bumped into loads of friends I have not seen for ages, such is the way with going out clubbing and the like but I've also met quite a few new ones. A few people, one of whom I knew previously, came back for tea after a particularly fun night out at Mulletover, my how we danced. It was very nice to be able to walk home after a night of clubbing, put on some tunes and the kettle and just relax and chat. This was much better than having to lug a massive bag up a hill, but maybe not as nice as sitting under the shade of the trees with a fire and bird song for company.

A decent stereo; the radio I have in the woods has one small speaker that probably only has a 3 watt output, it is only really good for listening to talk radio. Whilst a year or so of listening predominantly to Radio 4 has no doubt increased my intellectual depth (not hard to do) there is nothing like listening to some quality music on a decent stereo. Unfortunately my year away from civilisation rendered me somewhat incapable in the face of electricity. I couldn't get the stereo to work, this is a bit embarrassing as I once did a sound engineering course, fortunately one of the people who came over on Sunday morning is a practicing sound engineer and he got the thing fired up, thanks Chris.

Sofas, the woods are curiously lacking in sofas, some thoughtful individual did dump a mattress in the woods near me but it looked all a bit skanky and not a little out of place, curiously the council came and took it away, I have no idea what use they have for it, there must be some though for them to go to all the expense of collecting it. I like sitting on a sofa, lying on it is great too, so is sitting on it watching TV and eating food off a plate with a full contingent of appropriate cutlery. Compared to sitting on the floor eating out of a blackened pot with crudely carved twigs a TV dinner seems truly decadent.

Girls, London is full of them, they're everywhere, seeing as there seem to be more than enough to go around I thought I should have a crack at acquiring one for myself Armed with the knowledge gleaned from "The Game" it seemed impossible to fail. I must have forgotten to read the page in which it explains the importance of asking for a phone number.

Phone, I'm not sure about this one. People call and then I have to talk to them, not having a phone neatly avoids this problem. However most of the calls have been good, "hey Hugh wanna come clubbing?" that kind of thing. Mike has called quite a lot and we are now just a few days from launching a business that if the predictions are accurate will easily raise the money required to get to the Jungle, I'll even be able to do my share of the work from there. Mike may well come out and live at a "Base Camp" for a while. Apparently it is traditional to situate Base Camps next to the beach, by a bar, in a hotel.

Less good.

Heat, it has been really very very hot, not the sort of time to be living in a house in the middle of London, just the kind of time to be living in the cool of the woods.

Size, the house is quite large but nevertheless in comparison to where I usually live, outdoors, it seems very small, it is beginning to feel as though the walls are closing in.

Pollution, I’m not all that fond of all the light, noise and air pollution.

Chores, whilst it is fun to have a full contingent of utensils I'm less keen on washing them up, life is easier with just the one pan, a spoon and a knife. However, there is running water! Just twist the shiny metal thing my the metal bowly thing in the kitchen and water comes flying out, better yet there is no need to even heat the stuff in the kettle, no no, twist the other metal thing and ready heated water comes out! As fun though this is I would rather go for a walk for a mile through the woods than wash up, washing up sucks.

That's it for gripes I think.

In other news.

Neil; mild mannered city worker by day, international Trance DJ by night may well be coming to the Jungle. He was up for coming a few months ago and then realised that he had signed a contract at work that required him to actually be there and dropped out. It is now looking as though not he will be coming along but he also has a good idea for an internet business. So we could well end up living in the jungle and running three businesses, I'm a big fan of bighting off more than I can chew. Neil could well be a handy addition to the mission, he speaks Spanish and not only has he actually been to the jungle but he also lived in it for two weeks. Apparently it was horrible, full of horrible stuff, and very hot.

Well I have been having so much fun with the toaster and the kettle that I have run out of bread and am nearly out of tea bags.

It's hot, you don't get that in the woods, under the trees it is nice and cool and gets a bit chilly at night, coming from that to trying to sleep in London in a heatwave is a bit of a shock. Last night I ended up sleeping on the floor in the kitchen next to the open back door. It was the coolest place in the house.  

A lot is going on at the moment, working on getting Mission Improbable off the ground is taking up quite a lot of time. I got up a 6:30 this morning and don't expect to be finished before about 1am tomorrow. It is all lots of fun, at the moment at least, so there are no complaints I'm only mentioning it because what with doing all the admin, trying to learn the relevant stuff, write a book, get fit, stay in touch with at least some of my friends, set up the travel guide and trying not to get too attached to all the electronic gubbins there is around this house I haven't got as much time to write this blog as I would like.

So the abridged version of events of late

 Mike has met a girl and is no longer coming to Ecuador, I have not met the girl yet so have been unable to arrange an "accident".

 85 miles in 48 hours, carrying 30 - 40 lbs in weather that is mostly very hot is actually quite hard. I was fit a year ago, I appear not to be now. A lot of what I was carrying turned out to be unnecessary, sadly not much of it could be dumped. Ate most of the food on the first night (the pan was to go from Midday Friday to midday Sunday so that we could sleep twice) so as not to have to carry it - got food poisoning from a Ginster's Pastie- I threw the rest away. Lesson - don't take food that requires to be kept chilled out in the summer. I have really good insoles in my Boots, they absorb 97% of the impact, or they did for the last 18 months. They started to disintegrate after about 10 miles and very soon the soles of both feet where covered in Blisters, very big blood filled blisters. I then discovered that I'm not very good in the sun, I'm quite fair skinned, and soon was down to only about 2.5 miles an hour and slowing Neph down. It was even hotter on Saturday and we were carrying just enough water to get us to the next water stop, which was fine until one that we were relying on wasn't there. We had a few issues over the next section, we were behind schedule and so ended up walking in the midday glare without water for a couple of hours, a map reading error on my part extended our time in the sun by half an hour, my sense of humour was getting a little frayed. Getting to the lunch stop an hour late meant that we only took a 1hour break rather than 2 before setting off again, by this time the sun was getting to me but Neph's encouragement and a brief stop at the river to soak our feet and treat my blisters helped no end. Once the sun started to go down I started to perk up  again and soon we were making reasonable time and due to get to our second rest stop (under then yew tree in Lewknor) on time. The plan was to sleep there for the night, get up at 6 and do the last 26 miles without our packs and try to do the last section by midday. 8 Miles from Lewknor Neph's knee went, it seems it is not possible for us both to be in fully working order at the same time, it was evident that he was in a lot of pain although he bore it with all due stoicism - a Ibuprofen and a Mars bar helped him cover the last 8 miles and I was glad to be able to provide them as his Nurofen had done me the world of good over the last day. By the end of the 8 miles, during which time we bumped into Jeremy Irons, it was clear that Neph was in a world of pain, it was decided that if he was still in a bad way in the morning we would ditch the last section; there was no point risking permanent injury.

After a supper that included a wee dram of Talisker for Neph - purely medicinal - we turned in at about 1am. In the morning I was so stiff I could hardly stand and when I did the soles of my feet felt as though they were on fire. Selfishly I was quite relieved when Neph announced that he could not go on, there was no way I would have covered the next 26 miles in 6 hours. The walk to the bus to Oxford was excruciatingly slow as Neph hobbled down the slopes with white knuckles and a grim expression, once back to Neph's house a very enjoyable day was spent watching South Park with his house mates Georgia and Jamie. Neph cooked an amazing meal - the recipe will be on this site later - and we decided to finish the walk the weekend after next. Neph, Georgia and Jamie are all coming out to the woods for a meal on the Saturday night and then we will be off for the last section on the Sunday morning.

 I think some serious training is required before attempting to walk the route in 24 hours.

Sorry this is so badly written but like I say, I'm a bit busy.

Word 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4344310.stm

Ouch, ouch ouch.

Ouch

Ouch ouch ouch.

Ouch.

I'm going on holiday next week, I'm going to London, Crouch End to be precise. I'm house sitting and looking after a friends cat, it's pretty good gig, I get a house and a cat for a week. Not sure how I will cope with being indoors for a whole week, I'm quite tempted not to go out at all. I have a lot of work to do and am worried I might get distracted by al the luxury. Neph gave me some good advice, he said "whatever you do don't turn the TV on, and if you do ignore the commercial stations". Good advice indeed but then he followed it up with "Columbo is on on weekday afternoons", it's going to be just like being a student again; massive pile of work to be done but sitting around watching daytime TV and eating pizza. Oh well, if university taught me nothing else it was how to put things off until the last minute.

 Does anyone know a good Pizza place in Crouch End?

Neph and I are walking the Ridgeway (85 miles) this weekend (48 hours).

My training has consisted of gong to and buying some compeed - it is just the thing for blisters.

I have just heard tell of a Treasure Hunt in Scotland that involves trekking about over mountains and a prize of 3000 bottles of Whiskey, Malt Whiskey.

I have long felt that the perfect preparation for a prolonged period in the Rainforest is a week or so shivering on top of a mountain in Scotland.

Having got to the bus stop in Oxford at ten past three on Sunday morning I was pleased to discover that the ten past three had already left and that I would have to wait until ten past four for the next one. Having only had three hours sleep the night before staying awake rapidly turned into something of a challenge, all there was by way of entertainment was the occasional drunk staggering across my field of vision and the wind causing mini tornado's of empty kebab wrappers, and fried chicken boxes in the corner next to the phone box.

When the bus came I had the traditional chat with the bus driver

“Can you put your bag in the back”

“It fits on that rack just there” I say pointing to the empty luggage rack behind his seat.

“No it's too bit”.

“No really, it fits there”.

“No it's too big it's going to have to go in the back”.

I have learnt to give up if the conversation gets to this point, once when I ignored one of the drivers and put my rucksack on the rack he moved it into the boot at the back of the bus at the next stop, when I asked where is was when I came to get off at Lewknor he took me to get it from the boot and stood, his face just inches from mine shouting at me. I was so stunned all I could do was stand, bolt upright, trying not to laugh; it was like being back at school.

Things got better once I got on the bus, my ticket wasn't valid, I had a return ticket, not a period return like I had asked for. Apparently the Oxford Tube does not do a period return from Lewknor to Oxford, when I mentioned that I had asked for a period return and that this was what I had been given I was told that I could not have asked for one. Having already established the driver's belligerent nature I decided not to point out to him that he was accusing me of lying but rather just buy a ticket to Lewknor and worry about the whole thing later. The problem was that I only had enough money one journey on the bus, that would mean I could get to home but I could not get back. There are no cash points in the woods.

This morning I had a meeting at ten in Oxford, eighteen miles from home. I set off walking at just after nine, I had meant to set off at five but when the time came I was curiously un-attracted to the idea of getting up. I used to ride motorbikes a lot in my teens and twenties but had rather a habit of crashing them and not maintaining them properly and so as a result spent a fair amount of time hitchhiking. I decided to put my thumb out as I walked and was utterly amazed when the fourth car pulled over, better yet the driver was going to Oxford.

The guy was going to B&Q to fetch some tiles and grout, he had a tan and a thick accent “foreign” I thought to myself, pleased as ever with my perceptive nature. We shot off through the windy lanes occasionally touching over a hundred miles an hour, it was an old car with no airbags so for a while I was concerned but it soon became apparent that he knew what he was doing and I relaxed into thing. I asked where he was from.

“Italy” he replied flashing me the fullest most heart warming grin I have seen since that run in with the Tibetan monk. It took me a moment to figure out the purpose behind the grin; last night Italy had won the world cup. Italian, that would explain the sunglasses, tan and dashboard statue of the Virgin Mary, we rounded a corner breaking to within inches of a grubby white transit van in front before swinging out and past it. it would explain the driving too.

We chatted a while and I got to the bank in time to wow them with my disheveled state and pitch the idea of a jungle based solar powered online travel guide.

It is necessary to have an address to set up a business account.

How last millennium is that?